Talk

Ok so my boyfriend of 5mths has broken up with me after saying that he felt like we were just friends in the end of the relationship. I also believe that he was bored with being in the relationship and with the sex and he felt that I was too clingy. I do know I was clingy and I can see that now. It’s my first real relationship (actual one where I actually saw something in the other guy. I feel like he’s the one. Hes done some bad stuff and had a hard life but I see right through that and I don’t mind.) As for the bored bit. I want to let him know that I am willing to try different/new things in the relationship if we were to get together again. But I feel that if I speak to him about anything it will push him away and he will think I just want to get back with him. That’s true, but I am also happy with being friends. Not as happy, but to still have him in my life would be still good.

At the moment I believe that we are friends and since we broke up last week we have been contact at least once every 2 days never more that 1 day of not some contact. I want to give him space but at the moment he will text me about something random like, did u move that CD in my room. I still feel like hes keeping a hold which makes it hard for me to let go if hes not all gone. If you get what I mean. I know we need space away from each other. But I don’t want him to walk away knowing that I am willing to try these things and discuss the relationship.

I have made a DVD of me talking so he can see me talking to him when he wants to and knowing that he dosnt have to answer straight away. I have not given this to him yet, because of the whole giving him space thing. At the moment im just wondering whats on his mind so I can know where I stand. But understand the need for space. Im just the kind of guy who needs things done straight away and he’s the kind that needs to think about things for a bit. He’s had a tough time with breakups and so is a bit more reserved and less emotional where as I will ball my eyes out and tell him everything im feeling, but usually in a letter.

I hope you respond. I really need help. I don’t know what to do and dont want it to go to late in case he slips through my fingers and I loose him for good.

Let me know if u want more information.
Cheers

I feel your pain, but I think it’s best for both of you to stop relating to each other as the lovers you once were. In fact, from my personal experience, it’s best you don’t see him at all, at least for awhile. This is the only way you can have some objectivity in seeing where you "went wrong" (not that we’re looking for blame here), if you’re still seeing each other once every 2 days, then it will be hard to move on from here on out.

You might think that this is so painful a suggestion, and you might even think me cruel for suggesting it. But I’ve been through this, and one thing I’ve learned is that no matter what happens in life, we have to be happy and content with just being by and for ourselves, period. Our happiness need not depend on someone giving us the permission to feel it, we need to say to ourselves "I deserve to be loved for who I am, and I will be happy with who I am no matter what happens".

It may hurt, in the short term. But personal growth will not be possible with so much emotional baggage weighing you down. think of this opportunity to start afresh. If you view it this way, it can be an exhilirating, exciting time for you. Above all, I wish you happiness whatever you decide to do, and the courage to live life on your own terms.

Cheers to you. You deserve love and happiness.