Talk

Im writing a story bout a 13 year old girl named Jackie
Heres the first chapter:

Yesterday was my birthday and guess what? I’m finally thirteen!!! I’m considered a teenager! That is a HUMONGO deal, im talking extremely big! Oh.. the things I wanna do! Today Syd and I are going to Juicy Couture place to get out hair done and after that were going to Sephora to get our makeup done. I am so excited. Last week I got my haircut to promote my new age! I got side swept bangs and layers. I dont mean to brag but.. I look uhhhmazing! I was in the living room waiting for my mom to get the car keys so we can pick up Syd for our fabulous makeovers! I was super duper excited!!! " I got the keys hun, lets go! " We got up & walked out the door. I sat in the front seat & turned on the radio to 103.7 the Q! I honked the horn 3 times to get Syd to come outside. She ran out the door. She was wearing navy blue denim jeans, a grey and pink button up shirt, and some brown flats. " Hey Jackay! " She jumped in the car and pulled me to the back. " Woah there! " I shouted as she was pulling me to the back.We both laughed. " Cute outfit Syd " I looked down. " Whats wrong Jackiekinz? Syd elbowed me softly. " I’m jealous.." " Are you serious, your outfit looks adorable! " I smiled. " Thanks Syd, i love you! " I said. " I know you do. " My mom parked and opened our doors, " you girls ready? " We both went " Chyea! " My mom smiled and we walked up to Sephora. A tall lady with black thick framed glasses and dark brown hair was waiting for us. " Hi! I’m Debby, i am gonna be your makeup stylist today. Now, which one of you is going first? " Syd nudged me, " birthday girl first! " I looked up and Debby and nervously smiled. I put my hands on the chair and pulled myself up & sat straight in the chair. Debby smiled and picked out some makeup from a pile of makeup. " Whats your name? " I looked up. " Uh.. im Jackie " She got all the makeup ready and started to apple a rosy color on my cheeks. " Pretty name. " Then she got a black liquid eyeliner and slowly put it on my upper eyelid. I closed my eyes for the eyeshadow. She put a shimmery greenish – goldish color, I opened my eyes. " Pretty!! " Syd was squealing. I laughed. She applied some mascara, lip gloss, and a rock star shimmer powder. " Ta Da! " Debby twirled me around positioned the mirror. I glanced at my mom and Syd, their mouths were wide open. I looked in the mirror, and for the first time in my life I actually felt pretty. " Oh hunny! You look absolutely amazing! " My mom gave me a hug when I hopped off the chair. Syd whistled, " You look hot! " I laughed. Syd was awesome. Debby looked at Syd and motioned her to the seat. Syd straightened herself and sat in the chai. She put a bright red blush on her cheekbones. Then she got a clear mascara and sweeped them on her eyelashes. She put a brown eyeliner on her top lid and a light pink cream eyeshadow. Lastly, she put a pink lip gloss and she smoothed a moisturizer over Syds skin to provide " a good base." " I’m done, both you girls look great! Also, if you girls want to buy some makeup just go over there. " She pointed to a spot with shelves of makeup. " Oh and I dont think you girls need foundation, you have flawless skin! Enjoy it while you can " We both looked great.. we both looked thirteen.

Thats it, tell me what you think!
I dont really want a career in writing, I just like to do it for fun! Also this is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG SOO Not my best. This is probably my worst but I wanted to write it because being 13 is just fun, so I wanted to right about it.
I didn’t indent or start a new paragraph because I had to eat so I typed it really fast

You need to fix it. First, with every quotation you need a new paragraph. Next, separate it more because right now it looks like one big paragraph of random words. Also, your writing more like a teenager than a author, you have to understand some readers don’t want to read something that sounds like a child. Lastly, too many exclamation marks you could just put a period or, if you really want to get your point across, put only one.