Talk

I’ve been the happy, single girl most my life. I’m nearing my mid 20’s now and the last time I was in one was when i was 16. When I’m single, I’m secure – i know how to be "me", get guys, weed them out, be hard to get..but in a relationship, I’m insecure. I know how to give space but not know when I’m giving too much; I know I shouldn’t expect too much but I should bc i’m a "girlfriend" now. My bf is a keeper; the first "nice guy" i’ve been with. I’m a good girl that appreciates who he is and what he does, though at times I know he’s not perfect. He’s the "nice guy" who’s all about "long term".

I’m in a new relationship yet it feels like we’re an old, married couple. My boyfriend and I were never your typical couple. The stuff couples of 4-6 months go through, we already did. The first time we met, it was very natural and he said he "knew there was a connection". The first time he called me we talked for 6 hours straight and we were comfortable since then. We never spent everyday w. each other, talking 24-7. We’re both independent individuals that have our own lives yet meet halfway – he works full time M-F and I go to school for my healthcare major. As long as we have our late night conversations, i think we’re good. We also have our own "me time" and to be w. friends. I don’t think we were never "infatuated". I had a feeling he was into me when we met and i was right. I never felt the need to "show it off" to people but I’m not ashamed of it. There was a calm security w him i’ve never had w anyone else.
Now things tend to be changing. Now that we’re a "couple" (think it’s been a month or 2), he’s been getting "comfortable"; not so much "taking me for granted" but the romantic levels went down a bit. He’s not trying so hard to get me anymore but i find that he’s opening up more and admitting things that would (or made) him stress out or make him upset. It’s nothing to be worried about but it’s changing. I give him space and don’t text him throughout work but is it giving him the idea that I’m not into him? If I do text him, I don’t wanna come off as needy or clingy or annoy him. Also, i don’t wanna expect we have plans on the weekend – I don’t want him to cut off his "me time" or his "friend time" either but…yet, I do want to spend more time w. him. I’m so confused…I think I’m starting to like/care for him more and when girls do this…we get a bit high maintinence and I don’t wanna do that. Fr. what my older cousins have adviced me, he wants to build our foundation. He sees me as "serious"; therefore being "cautious" (what do they mean by "serious"?) He also wants to wait out on sex b/c "2months is too soon" and our "good connection will grow and we can wait". It’s great but I feel "undesired" from it…he doesn’t wanna go anywhere "too physical, too much". Anyhoo, help please….
My best friend knows him well and said if he’s really fallen in love, he’ll forget his friends and spend all his time w. you. That’s nice but I wouldn’t want him forgetting his friends yet right now…he’s not spending all his time w. me…

There are girls who are one night stands and those who are the marrying kind. He probably sees you as the kind of girl he could one day marry and he doesn’t want to take things too quickly as it could endanger the relationship.

Don’t stress. Enjoy the feelings you have for him, but don’t indulge yourself too much or fantasize about what could be in your future. Take and appreciate one day at a time.

Let him lead and pursue you. Don’t play "hard to get" games; just continue to be honest and open, but don’t volunteer too much about your growing attraction to him unless he asks or seems to have a strong need to know.

Just be patient and let him come fully to you when he’s emotionally ready. That’s not always easy for guys to do, and it’s crucial for the health of your relationship that he get to that point without any additional prodding from you.